© 2006 BLACK-SOLACE {R.}
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V27 :kiss away the young thrills

designer
trent!
angela
xueting
karwei!
deb and bel
mish
hannah and co
clique
shihui
michelle

The thing I miss most about France is the ART! The ability to lose yourself completely in awe of the great works of man. How I wish I could go back again and keep staring at the larger than life paintings that were as close to perfect as could be. I remember gasping as we entered, my eyes darting from one painting to the next as I fell in love with the boldness of the drawings, the intricacy of the strokes, the intelligence of the painter and the beauty of the picture, each with its own message, some so obsure to us today that we often ponder over what the painter was thinking then. i wish we could have stayed there longer, wish i could have spent the whole day there. There was so much to see, so little time to do it but it was worth it either way. Its depressing to look back for when I return, if I return, Ill be too old to go "under 18" to the men in uniform there, too old to attempt to sneak in with the authoritized people, too old to give that pathetic lost child look that managed to get us in again and too old to not care about the reprecussions of our insane suggestions that we put into action that somehow always managed to turn out fine in the end. its gonna cost me a bomb to go back but i guess if i do, ill spend most of my time sitting in the musuems just staring quietly and peacefully lost in my own world of gods and heros, without any worry that i have too little time to see everything.

Art in France wasnt only found in museums, in the paintings. i saw it everywhere mostly in the stunning architechture in every single building which drew inspiration from France's rich heritage. Never in my entine lifetime have i seen so many statues sprawled across one piece of land or the master artistry that was jumping out from the walls of the churches and the apartment buildings. The roofs were breath-taking. It was so different from home, so alluring, so perfect. Why did we have to leave?

I miss the beauty and history of that place, i miss the awe that i felt each time i turned left and right, miss the feeling of amazement and respect that i felt for the creators of such beauty. Its not home i tell myself, yet why did it feel so right then when i was there lost in the art? Why did it feel like home?

Darn im missing France a lot now. But ill never live there, no i'd need to learn french for that. I guess ill be sticking to New York as my dream home for now then. Just found out that there actually is an art exhibition going on somewhere in Singapore now, think i shall go, maybe even alone if roy and jem bail on me, the need and want to do something for myself is growing and i guess there's nothing wrong if i indulge in art.

So why cant i be a doctor interested in art? What's so wrong with that? Im just being as adamant as i can right now. i dont want to give up my love for paintings (i have a thing against sculptures) just because i go into the sciences. i dont know. the future seems so unsettled. on one hand, im freaked about the prospects, on the other thrilled. fivolous me. maybe i'll just do what i want and go into the humanities program, though that would be the path untrodden, the one where i wont have any support, the one where if i screw up ill only have myself to blame. Do i really have the strength for that? i guess ill know in a week's time, see if i even get a choice, after all the deal i made with mum is still in the air, we'll know next week.

the fear of not being good enough, the fear of not being the best is so prevalent. the fear that im never going to find something that i love and am good at eats me daily. jack of all trades, master of none. maybe.

ai enough of this. i shall scream and die if i go on comtemplating like this. i shall leave that to when im running. For now, i just want to be contented, which essentially means loads of one tree hill and a big large tub of ben and jerry's and once thats done it will be oc, lost and desperate housewives all of which have decided to release their new sesaons. thats all i need to be happy. and of course my art which i shall start searching for tomorrow. oh and ill post the pics of france tomorrow. too tired to borther now

why study history if we are bound to repreat the mistakes of the past?

peace out. 11:10 PM