i've never been so alone; i've never been so alive

Monday, March 30, 2009

for summer's dead..

i think i need a tan.. yes i know im black and it doesnt make sense but i swear i feel a tad fairer possibly cus i havent been in the sun in goodness knows when so it feels odd i guess..

today with the kids was wonderful..when im around them i feel so blessed and thankful. for the life i have and for the opportunity ive had to work with them. for they make me realise what's important in life, they make me see that if they can smile through everything they have to face i can do anything if i put my mind to it... their daily struggles put me to shame.. and when they hug me like ive given them life when all ive really done is added a colour here or a line there to their amazing work; a part of me dies of incompetence and cant help but feel undeserving and then there's the other part which glows and thinks i thank god for u.. and everyone that laughs at them i want to box their noses for they are more beautiful than any of us could ever be. us in our materialistic pursuits, in our silly diamond castles, us....if only we could see ourselves

no im not romanticizing their lives im just saying we all have so much to be thankful for, we dont even know how good we have it.

i missed be.n's perf today but ill talk to him tom and im sure he'll understand.. perhaps i wasnt a good friend today but i think today i was a good listener, a good hand holder, a good hugger, a good mentor.. i cant wait to do the touch ups and let them bring their drawings home..

for today i learnt whats important and its honestly whatever i want it to be.

lets exchange our flaws

perhaps i still belong to you afterall...

peace out. 12:45 AM

Saturday, March 28, 2009

i couldnt be more thankful for my girlies right now.. its amazing how everyone has grown and changed and yet we somehow remain such great friends.. i love how they know everything about me and i swear i mean everything.. even stuff that i never told them about and how they never judge, how they always stand up for me and stand by my side...
and its days like today i know why i dont really need other people around me.. i have the best friends in the world.. my very own circle of trust..

life has been good =)

and tom i go climb
and i think im going awol
and i really think im very tired of people in general..
so if i dont talk to you its not that i dont like you or hate you or whatever.. its just me being my apathetic usual self..

peace out. 1:06 AM

jolene

Saturday, March 21, 2009

i swear i love this song.. not the dolly parton version though..too country.. i prefer alexis grace's cus its more rock punkish... and mindy smith's...

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please dont take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please dont take him just because you can

Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like a breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, jolene

He talks about you in his sleep
Theres nothing I can do to keep
From crying when he calls your name, jolene
And I can easily understand
How you could easily take my man
But you dont know what he means to me, jolene

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please dont take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please dont take him just because you can

You could have your choice of men
But I could never love again
Hes the only one for me, jolene
I had to have this talk with you
My happiness depends on you
And whatever you decide to do, jolene

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please dont take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please dont take him even though you can
Jolene, jolene

peace out. 8:56 PM

a random song for the random soul

Friday, March 20, 2009

i found this off fb from some unknown m5..

"dear prof,

please do not destroy me. i know you've had a bad day, what with my stupidity and inability to examine patients. but all i want is to pass, be your slave, work 32 hour shifts and hopefully earn some peanuts. you can take out all your fury on me then. i promise that i will try to kill as few of your patients as possible. i will even show some care, sometimes. so please have mercy, and close one eye.

with much love,your future dr _____.( hopefully)"

it made me smile so i figured it might brightenen up your day too.
not having any voice is a painful struggle but i think it could be worse haha
tom i go to starbucks to mug my ass off.. and so it shall begin again =)

peace out. 5:38 PM

step 1: walk away

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

i wish i could go back today. to that day that night and do it all over, not let it happen.

i wish i could remember the person i used to be; the person with dreams, the one they used to say would be something do something, the one who was in control

i wish for courage to face my stupidity, my mistakes

i wish for hope; to make it better

and last, i wish i had the desire and the drive to it all again.

it is there i just need to find it. the cough sucks and the head aches. gods way of telling me i am lost and its time to find my way back, its time to get better. its time to rise above.

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." - Romans 7:15

peace out. 8:46 PM

polaroid lies

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

darn and now i need to change my template to get rid of my email address because my blog can actually be found. fellow starbucks friend since i know u are reading this.. secret ok! dont tell people! thank you.

peace out. 10:02 PM

quirky you

the mother: what are you doing?
me: blogging mum
the mother: whats that
me: like an online diary
the mother: for people to read?
me: yup

me: why u still here mum?
the mother: im reading.

my mother, ever the witty one. =)

peace out. 1:31 AM

lip sync.

Saturday, March 07, 2009

for you lot.

peace out. 3:23 AM

take care yilin

5 shots and 2 cups of coffee; somehow i doubt im gonna last this night. but the world wasnt solely built on thinkers, dreamers had their day too.

and today might just be mine. or tomorrow we'll see.

and i guess if it doesnt pay off this time it will in the long run for i finally can envision a trip that ends well now.

lin left last night. i dont think i have completely comprehended it yet. i guess time will tell when 3+(1) meets again and it probably will suck but im not alone and we make do with what we have; for her journey ought to bring us joy.

life is good though a day of rock climbing will do some good. then again, a day in the pool might work too.

peace out. 3:02 AM

A R T

Sunday, March 01, 2009

i want to be him.

peace out. 5:52 PM