© 2006 BLACK-SOLACE {R.}
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V27 :kiss away the young thrills

designer
trent!
angela
xueting
karwei!
deb and bel
mish
hannah and co
clique
shihui
michelle

right this exact moment in london there's an exhibition that i would do anything and i swear i mean anything to be able to view. but since i cant teleport i guess im going to have to content myself and maybe you lot with a couple of pictures.

and if u havent guessed by now its banksy vs bristol museum.

pictures courtesy of a friends friend. ciao.

peace out. 9:39 PM

its sunnier now, and the warm glow on your face cant be mistaken. it pleases me to no end. for that grin u chose to mask for so long is chasing the clouds away again. im glad you're home m. even if u leave in 3 days im glad you're home. and b you are not an after thought. love you too. when u leave in jan im going in your luggage k. =)


i totally ripped this photo from k. but she doesnt come here so thats good. heh

t: no the kids really loved me. they all drew me and wrote me cards
c: i bet they only had brown colour pencils thats why.

c: eh r, your silver bangle became so big.
c became wittier thats for sure. heh

the past days minus certain stuff have been extremely gay teething on wicked actually. and its been refreshing. i actually got my lazy ass down for play house auditions which i swear i never thought in my entire life i would. i dont do drama as indian as it is. ok probably because of how indian it is. but im doing it this year!!! with dear s. and ys has decided that our chemistry is so good he's going to add additional scenes for us. which is ridiculously funny in my opinion. but secretly its not really acting. i mean im playing a bimbo after all how far fetched is that really?
ot 3? maybe we'll see if i go for auditions even.

climbing been going very well albeit tiring. but i love it so that works. but im bruised and it hurts. and im becoming fatter not losing weight because ive been eating too much and exercising too little. and you would understand if you saw me gobble up 10 scoops of ice cream with s, yl, s on thursday night. i never imagined being this close to them but god works in such wonderful ways. you wouldnt expect it but the 2 boys are really quite amusing even though that what s says about me; i think he's actually worse. m4 and still little boys. haha

going to watch the girls play tom. cant wait.
ciao dears im off

peace out. 1:29 AM

there are words unsaid that hang thick in the air. and all i want is to erase them all; to change what happened. to make it all go away.

but somehow i know better now for pretending wont change things. what is done is done. we move on from here. and who better to know this than me.

and yet the cloud above us seizes to disappear. it stares at us mocking our obvious attempts to cover the cracks. its gloatingly knowing look that senses my screams inside. i wish for nothing else but to make it go away; if only i knew how.

schools a mangled mess as far as im concerned and everyday has seen me escaping to the people outside. and as i crave more and more obliviation; i dont think i have ever known as many m2s as i know now. its a silly oxymoron i know.

i asked for wisdom; i have none now. the path that i always thought was right doesnt seem so anymore.
i asked for courage; and yet i couldnt be more terrified today. for the fear of losing all that i once held dear to me itches to rear its ugly head.
i asked for strength; but the ability to do whats right seems to have forsaken me.
but faith and hope ill always have and that i keep dear.

i dont know if you understood this all or any of it. but in the past year you've known me best. so im saying sorry. for letting it come this far, for being angry(not so much really) but more for simply not caring anymore. for pretending everythings ok which clearly they havent been. i dont want things to stay this way anymore; because i have so much to tell you so much i want you to know. and honestly i dont even know where to start.

but the beginning is always good.

i promise to blog about rag soon; how much it taught me. how i thought it ended on such a horrid personal note but found that perhaps i was meant to learn from it. how my ties with everyone have become so much stronger, even with those i shed tears over. how ive met some truly awesome people. and how after all the dust has settled it really was an amazing and inspiring experience. oh and that we won too.

day one, day one, start over again
step one, step one, with not much making sense
just yet im faking it till im pseudo making it
from scratch, begin again

peace out. 11:36 PM

i will write a long one soon about everything that happened. the good and the bad but not yet. let the period pass first let me gain perspective before i speak.

peace out. 12:40 AM

because the last few days have been an array of vastly conflicting emotions;

i will post about it soon.

peace out. 2:38 PM

there's a huge part of me that still doesn't understand all of it; or any of it for that matter. how i could have been so wrong. but then there's this other part that thinks perhaps i knew all along but i chose to pretend that the signs weren't there and that i chose to believe things that actually meant little.

either way i doubt i will ever find out given that talking is out of the question now. so i figure that perhaps the point is that i shouldn't understand it all. maybe i'm simply meant to learn from this, take it in my stride and move on.

there's no doubt that i'm a tad angry, but more than that i'm simply disappointed that what i thought, expected never was. but life's like that isn't it. a road bump here and there that's meant to teach me a lesson or two. and maybe its for the better. no not maybe. it definitely for the better and someday ill realise that.

for now though i still think about it; try to look back see what went wrong or if it even did.. and with time that will go away too.

so enough about that. because the days now have been calmer, busier and i haven't had much time to react yet which is good i think. and nearly everyday in the past two weeks i have made awesome new friends for which i thank god.

and i think ill go for playhouse auditions this year. i figure it would be nice to do something different. and the worse that could come out of it would be me not getting in which seriously isn't that big a deal. so yea. and it'd keep me busy as well which i'm afraid is all i want right now. because the less time i have to think about it; the better.

and actually i'm pretty certain most of u know what i'm talking about. which surprisingly makes me feel nothing. id rather you know than have me pretend that i'm happy about it.

peace out. 12:44 AM