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V27 :kiss away the young thrills

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peace out. 11:10 PM

goodness i got an 's' for chem which does not amuse me at all... hmm though i am being extremely nonchalent about it.. oh well it just means i have to work a lot harder for chem now then..i guess it was a long time coming..given i have yet to do a single tut and have been banking on reading my notes only once.

jc is not secondary school. a's are going to freaking hell determine every next step i make. pls pls pls dont let me screw this up.

eeks on a happier note math was an a though t.an wasnt too pleased with it. you can do better..
yes havent i heard that a lot these days.. why does everyone have so much faith in me when im seemingly losing all confidence in myself..

oh well i guess i just have to start studying then.. to quote mrs c.hong, who i absolutely adore!, fear is a great motivator..and i really am quite scared now

on a more random note fish and co has begun..gosh and i intended this to be a pictures post (mainly with the chaingmai photos) but they are all in the other com so perhaps my next entry will be a photo one.

capsule rjc........ 10 yrs from now i want to be happy. truely happy. and thats it. how hard can that be rite.

im sorry this is so all over the place. im not really in the mood to type a decent entry.

goodnight.

peace out. 12:20 AM

shit shit shit..i think they read my blog..shit!
fudge im damn screwed!
ok nvm
i came here to write something else.. someone jumped from my block on dat, which is a little disturbing and a tad scary but i havent had the time to psyco analyse it yet..and given that i need to study complex numbers, i cant do it now.

so yes cts have begun and i have already experienced my first blank out. wonder whats next.

peace out. 8:19 PM

yes, dont we all always fall for the boy in red?

if u understand, good im proud of u..if u dont its ok cuz i dont get it either.

shit shit shit being excessively happy these past few days is only a cry of disaster. u'll see, no wait ill see

bah ok goodnight and goodbye. tomorrow's sunday already scream!

can i pls add that meeting old aquantices is super fun! and pseudo mugging today at starbucks with j and l was nice too! ok i mugged while they sat there laughing at me.. reminising how hard they had to work last year..my only consolation was that ill be in uni before them! take that! oh and l's going to ocs i think..yay im proud..go join the brother and j well that slacker is still a slacker..some things dont change.

now back to the boy in red.

i think i found him about 4yrs ago then lost him err maybe 2 yrs later?..and currently he has mothed into the boy in blue. go figure

make sense? good cuz it doesnt to me either =) i just wrote that to amuse u lot and myself.

random numbers, random dates, random lines.
yet whoever said anything was ever random?

eeks.

peace out. 9:21 PM

ok this one is for me.. and for u lot in j2 as well.







now go shoo and stop reading random blogs!

peace out. 9:52 PM

i have completely lost all respect for her..probably everyone has given the circumstances so i shant say any more..accountability? responsibility? ergh thinking about it is really draining..well kind of at least. ok wadever!

anyway! apart from all the emo rubbish today was a utterly useless mugging day! remind me to never attempt to mug with angel.a chan! (and to a lesser degree, lim x.ianhui and tan ruo.qi) again.. horrid we ended up gossiping for like hmm let me count 5 freaking hours! whoo hoo new record i think. yet having said that i wouldnt trade it for anything..err ok maybe an a in econs or perhaps 10 extra marks in chem but that is another story for another time..so anyway it was nice to finally talk to them after so long..talk as in talk talk not the gibberish we spout during trainings and when we spot each other along the corridors(though that too is becoming rare..hello 7th floor anyone?) and get everything off our chest..namely angel.a and her "pertinent issue" which was still pertinent after 4 hours i must add and roy's attempts to get us back to study..well as u can tell that went REAL well..hah but i had fun all the same

ok fine ill admit i was an idiot to think that i had time to have "fun" in the hols after ct results are out but before that let me live in denial for a little longer..pls pls with a cherry on the top! (pout)..err ok that doesnt work now does it

random note: i hit a nice one today! even though i drop my bat and what not it still felt good yes..ok shit i really need to stop measuring my level of happiness by the number of hits i make otherwise ill never be happy! but u'll be surprised to note that somehow no matter how sucky that day's training goes, i always feel rather contented after it (problem usually lies with the feeling before it ya)..perhaps im falling in love with the game all over agin..u think?

and so these days i think im back to being my happy random self..which i like! no more angst and wad not..rite now life is about training,studies,fish and co and thats sbout it.council term's ending which is kinda relieving though a little sad but now that is REALLY a story for another time and softball well, that all depends on the team thing though it was great while it lasted(um still great while its lasting? sorry this whole english thing is a little wraped as u would have noticed unless yours is worse than mine to which i say bloody hell, good luck to you!) and fish and co well what can i say about it..hmm maybe that i NEED to get down to doing it soon! shit slacker, i am! and studies, oh that well help me dear god pls. everything else is secondary now and im glad for it. no time to dwell on past stupidity when opportunites for new dumbass moments are right around the corner!

other than that, life's pretty mundane i guess. hah wait till june then life will really be mundane.
ok i just realized im rather incorrigible and this is sounding so jekeyll and hyde-ish so i shall stop my tad brainless nonsense now.

oh oh another thought though this one's a little more serious and scary. going NUH tom..meeting uncle tom to get back blood test results..should be fine i pray..well i feel fine so yup..maybe ill just get a couple more pills this time. at least that would be better than um ok can i not say it just makes the possibility all the more real and the thought of it terrifies the hell out of me.. just think how my parents must feel then..hmm

switch back to randomness..have i mentioned that jamie parker is mega hot! i probably have but it wouldnt kill anyone if i said it again! and that mother dearest is currently in LA? ok no she's on the flight there still and she's going to back us back krispy kremes!! yes yes i love my mum!

ok now really time to go sleep! and wake up early and mug!! oh how i love myself for making such brilliant study plans..if only i ever stuck to them..

oh well.. toodles and a wave to my closet blog readers! the ones i found out about today!! no i still refuse to put a tag board go deal with it humph

peace out. 9:09 PM

D wanted me to add and so i shall.. my links are OUTDATED!! like i really care and yes, jamie parker jamie parker jamie parker..go figure. im high..stupid singapore sling they made me whollop. i can hold down my liquer i can i can i can.. ok who am i kidding?

peace out. 11:34 PM

i hit i hit i hit!! ok fine it wasnt a good hit, possibly cannot even be considered half-decent and for u talented lot is hmm lets put it nicely SUCKY but considering my predicament and how terrified i am of the ball, of coach,of screwing up, everything u just name it! im elated i actually touched the ball! oh gosh yes i really should have higher aims but everyone starts small so there

watched the history boys today..i honestly cant critique this movie cuz it was way too intellectual for me..as in the words they used were a tad above my acadamic spectrum but the gist that i did get from the show was decent enough..its not say on par with dead poets society but it wasnt too shabby though, with a lot of homosexuality involved, not explicit but very much implied and verbally expressed. there were definitely parts that jumped at you too..like questioning the way history is portrayed and the super large no of "gettos"..

and now im kicking myself in the bum for wasting time watching a movie! hello resh.vinder ka.ur are u j2 or j2?! u want to fail cts?! shut up and go study now!

the conscience has spoken. goodbye

yes i feel a lot happier now thank you..no more angst i promise and im sorry lin.coln for bullying you! blame kw she started it and na.zi(err no actually im not!) and heres to angst free and resh is bitchy free days ahead!

ok ok mug mug mug

Hold on little girl
Show me what he's done to you
Stand up little girl
A broken heart can't be that bad

before i go i met ellen and fadz today!!!! yay i missed kan a hell lot and she seems real happly for which i am extremely glad and fadz, well what can i say is still the doll she always was! yes and thats really it.

ok fine one last random comment: i love the new (ok fine a little old la im slow) justin timberlake song "what goes around"..its damn chic! and the "let the recod play" song is good charlotte!

yes thats really it this time cya!

peace out. 10:47 PM

been extremely angstly these past couple of days and to those who faced the brunt of it..im really very sorry! we.ehao, ru.oqi (u're more angstly that me la), de.e, ma.tt and many others im sure but cant really remember..well anyway im terribly sorry...

i guess its just stress and the fact that everything's piling up and at the rate im going im terrified at the prospects, not too mention i have to do sats again and softball's been going terribly. and when i say terribly i actually mean your definition of terrible times a hundred million. my eyeing is horrendous..swinging at ultra high balls and speed of bat is very slow..it always was but at least last time contact was there.. then the force of the pitcher would do the rest but cant even do that now :( sometimes i really wonder about last year.. no for once i dont regret it but its just u noe wondering if things would be different had i not decided to quit in sec4..it probably would but yea i guess we all have choices to make and that was mine. team? honestly all i want to do is bat well. and im leaving the rest up to god. if i dont then so be it.

he says im not trying hard enough not putting in enough effort.. maybe thats true i really dont know.. what i do know is this ive never felt this tired my whole life. the never ending fatigue, like all my energy has been sapped and it just seem impossible to lift myself up again..ahh i really didnt intend for this entry to be pseudo emo. was meant to be retarded but i guess not many retarded things have been happening so yup pseudo emo it is

well on a more random note.. fish and co's been approved so yay though it means more work but considering blah should be ok i think.. i hope and well i pray

yesterday it really sunk in that a's are coming soon and everything rides on it.. ill study but will it be enough? u hear about so many so many pple who worked really hard but didnt do as well as expected. i guess it all boils down to circumstance then. lets hope mine are fine.

and when tell me did 4as stop being good enough?

another random note: punjabi got a! hah yup my 3 week crash course worked and yes it helped the other 2 goons get a too

i really want things to go well but right now i dont seem to care anymore. its easier this way i guess, hurts less.

wan.gting asked me what i wanted to do with my life after jc and i gave him a blank stare.. what do i truely want? honestly honestly.. to go to lse and read economics and work in wall street as an analyst.. yup thats really it, at least it has been since sec 1.. but is it easy? heck its virtually impossible but yea i guess that would be his answer. its what i want yet somehow it fails to drive me, simply because i know ill be ok with anything. anything, darn i hate that word.

iss.ac said he wanted to be an actor, the pro broadway kind and i was so proud of him for saying that.. given the fact the boy's a mega genius and all.. but at least he has a passion! and even though chances are he probably wont go down that path cuz well we do live in singapore at least he has a dream.. i wish i did too.

whats mine? ill probably just roll with the dices, take whatever comes. medicine? perhaps research, engineering, business? all maybe. greatness befalls those who dare to dream but when all u see lying ahead of you is darkness, then where does that dream come in?

im drained. perhaps tomorrow will be a better day. just perhaps.

peace out. 9:14 PM