© 2006 BLACK-SOLACE {R.}
unless stated otherwise.
credits : ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

V27 :kiss away the young thrills

designer
trent!
angela
xueting
karwei!
deb and bel
mish
hannah and co
clique
shihui
michelle

Do you know what Napoleon gave Josephine on their wedding day?

a gold medallion inscribed with the words,
"To Destiny."

peace out. 9:35 PM

"To keep you is no benefit. To destroy you is no loss." motto of the Khmer Rouge regime.

gosh its times like these i wish i was taking humans, no change that to simply history. hmm. maybe then i could actually major in architecture and art history. now how cool would that be.

ok wishful thinking ends today.. as monday dawns so does the official hardcore mugging season.yoohoo! and given the sats were rather shitty, and i have come to accept that us universities are probably a forgone dream, its time to hit the books so that perhaps the uk might still want me.

and according to certain closet readers of mine, eh wait if i know about them then they wouldnt be closet readers anymore..ok whatever, point was it has been deemed that my entries are rather depressing. which i still adamantly deny! im really not sad at all when i type things. and even if it comes out that way, dont worry its probably just the use of attempted cheem English working against me. heh. get it..actually neither do i but ya whatever.

its nice to be free and happy again. =) oh yes i promised a picture post..soon soon k!

oh on an entirely random side note. singapore arts fest has started and i was checking out things that i should go for (yes, i believe in taking breaks from my hopefully successful excessive mugging sessions) and i have come to realise that actually this years spread isnt really all that interesting. or maybe i just dont have the time. but but theres this rather intriguing exhibition on, in the substation gallery that i might pop by to and an art paintings sale in fort canning that i definitely want to go for. oh and i was thinking of going for the dollhouse or the dance thing but only one. see i can actually visit and go see all this is one day! heh. so not too much time wasted. oh well we'll see.

did i forget to mention swimming was a blast! yay!

peace out. 12:23 AM

and and on a very very very much lighter note, i was looking a r.project photos and guess who's face i have like 28 shots of?! no i am not kidding u! and he was there today!! heh though the novelty has worn off and he isnt all the hot anymore. darn. oh well. seek new horizons..err ya in this case my books..which i will start on by sunday the latest.

have i mentioned im going swimming at SR.C!! this sat..indoor pool with aircon yay! cant wait. its the alone time il been waiting for ever for, just me me me!!

peace out. 1:25 AM

and when i look back some day, its the people that i'd always remember and cherish

timbre's over and although some things could have been better, right now im just too relieved to care. it was one heck of a ride, what with me getting yelled at, stressing out to the point of nearly breaking down and just wanting everything and everyone to leave me alone, i think ive still managed to gain quite a bit. although right now, the whole process and the event itself are plastered in my mind, as the days,weeks and months go by, i am certain that memory will start to fade. instead it is the people who i have met/people who have held my hand and made me keep the faith that i wont forget.

when i left softball after sec 4, i thought i was only leaving the game. perhaps it was easier that way i guess. though i have come to realise that had i stayed away any longer than i did, i'd probably have lost one of the best things in my life. the people who have made me who i am. the friends who have always been there no matter what. that all-knowing comfortable feeling that only 6 years together can give you. to de.b and be.l.. thank you. i dont know what else to say, i really really dont because it meant so much. everything from yesterday to today. it made me cherish all those times we used to have, and long for more. (blasted a's!) it was very touching and for sitting with a moody/super frazzled me yesterday thank you. i really couldn't ask for more and the pretty balloon made it all the more perfect. you know i know u do. to the other softballers (je.m ge.e xia.n ad.a siqi) thank you too for being there with me. and to roy for sharing food with me and having to put up with my bitchy saying about -hem hem- after meetings. im glad i came back, especially if it meant not losing this wonderful "friendship"(i think it transcends that).

then onto the team itself. mon.i, aver.y,mis.h, hanna.h, xue ti.ng, kha.w,von,ochi rachel e, boyboys[=)i hope they never come here] for putting up with everything that got thrown our way. i think given the circumstances, it was a success in my book. im thankful to have worked with such a diverse and possibly very slack group. though we did chiong our ass off when we had to.
again here i pause to thank you all not for the work you put in for with time, no one will remember that or even care to, but instead to thank you for encouraging me along. for taking the fall with me and for always being there. to m.ish v.on hann.ah kha.w thank you. it really did mean a lot to know whatever happened we would be in it together.

and lastly i guess what ill pick out most from this is that i have come to understand that there are people out there who do care, who do notice when i not smiling and who are willing to make me smile again. to the classmates (my closest blog readers i know!), thank you for coming and yes you guys are very lucky people and to the other classmates thank you for understanding as i stoned the past two days away, counting random number outs loud. and for sharing with me interesting facts though i told u much too. heh. to people like yilu.n who's "its nice to see you smiling again" i wont forget for a very long time, tar.a li.n and others who wished me luck and who told me it was going to be fine. thank you. although it may have been a passing statement to many of you, it did carry much weight for me. and to sa.b dear or making my day with the yummy brownie. told you im going to marry a chef when i grow up. and yes to de.e and ma.tt for calling even though they had no idea what i was talking about half the time but simply for making sure i was going to be ok. and the fact they rang from arm.y made it all the more heart-warming.

so yes before this becomes a hallmark card/movie, ill sort of end. though i would like to add this..
sometimes i think we tend not to cherish what we have. we nitpick at everything, expect more from everyone to the extent of losing faith in them when things dont go right. its a hypocritical vicious cycle where we bitch about people that on some days mean the world to us and on others just make us want to smack them. every one's done it. i know i have. and right now it sort of disgusts me. perhaps one day ill be bigger than all this, perhaps i wont bitch about individuals, rather ill bitch about the situation and perhaps ill be able to look at the bigger picture and simply forgive and move on. so for now im sorry if i've ever been a backstabbing bitch. i promise to be a better friend. hold me to that.

we question all the time. why dont we have this or that. today im just glad i have you all. dear god, thank you for pulling me through this and more importantly thank you for giving me my friends.

peace out. 12:17 AM

had a really good day! yes im finally finding the bright side to things again, after a long period of lull. went to timbre settled stuff, went to r.project. where i took loads of photos of ahem. stupid hann.ah. and well, today was a good day.

and now i think the cam is screwed. mother is going to shoot me.

peace out. 12:12 AM

peace out. 8:44 PM

today was invest.. actually its just another word for photowhoring session but shhh u didnt hear that from me. and i am rather happy today yay. ok next post will be picture post i promise.. so here's a little sneak peak

yes and guess who's the biggest cam whore of us all....

u wouldnt have guessed rite! but again shush to didnt hear that from me. and now onto spa mugging.

ok from now onwards only nice things to say. no more bitching and angsting here! whee i hope this lasts a while at least

peace out. 8:08 PM

final night is now and im sitting on the bed typing this.. i cant believe im missing final night. as much as i bitch about council, final night really does mean something to me. fine change that.. it means a lot. and i was looking forward to it. what the hell la.today sucked and guess what i wasnt even in school. wow.couldnt even sleep properly because of all the timbre shit. i just want it to be over.want people to stop bugging me.want to not be sick. amd more importantly, want to be at final night and not in bed.
FUDGE!!
and i really hope we.ejin doesnt hate me for ditching him today of all days.

bad karma really does smack you in the face now doesnt it.

"the girl he likes/goes out with says a lot about him too."
couldnt have said it better myself.

i hope tomorrow turns out better.

peace out. 8:53 PM

What i've learnt..

I've learnt that you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life.

I've learnt that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learnt that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I've learnt that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learnt that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learnt that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learnt that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learnt that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learnt that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learnt that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learnt that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learnt that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learnt that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I've learnt that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learnt that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

I've learnt that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learnt that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.

I've learnt that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learnt that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learnt that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learnt that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learnt that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learnt that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learnt that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learnt that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learnt that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learnt that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I've learnt that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life.

I've learnt that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learnt that once a relationship is over, if you experienced more smiles than tears, then it wasn't a waste of time.

I've learnt that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learnt that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learnt that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learnt that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

I've learnt that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

and I've learnt that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
__________________________________________________________________

i liked this a lot. thought u might too.

peace out. 12:46 AM

and apparantly a vulgar one too.

peace out. 9:54 PM

im such a hypocritical bitch. f**k.

peace out. 9:40 PM

thank you hann.ah, ge.e!

and although today is only tuesday, i think its turning out to be a positively delightful week! ok that sounded rather bimbotic but never mind. anyway mum bought me percy pig yesterday! ok actually she bought it for her students but she didnt know it was a pig until i told her and her horror was naturally to my benefit cuz well she didnt want to give it to them anymore so yay i got them.. though actually they are fake percy pigs..called fred frekel though they taste as yummy so no biggie.
then yesterday on the way back we met si.ngyean and co..their cab was next to my car which i thought was rather amusing, given the frantic waving, bringing down of windows and attempted conversation we were having.

then today went to bake at de.b's place with be.l and de.b.. ok stop it now! i said stop giving me that ya right look! although most of you have seen my horrendous culinary skills (im being modest, its actually far worse) and given all pior attempts at baking have to put it nicely bombed, the brownie/cookie thing actually turned out really good..and i do mean REALLY good..orgasmic i tell you. and we're quite the gluttons but shush that is not something to speak about. spent more time eating than talking. anyway the point was.. it was extremely fun and im glad i went. -another smile- cant wait for u noe what.

tomorrows the guys final game..i think its weird to stop after 6 years..for me initially 4 and when i stopped then it sort of had this emptiness, you put your heart and soul into the game and then it kind of just ends..and now the feelings back i guess..oh well.. we might be joining ORA though..hmm

apart from that let me promote on this god forsaken place..

Timbre'07!! its this charity dinner im organizing on the 24th of may from 7 to 10. yes buffet, u stand a chance to win an ipod, performances are good and its for CHARTY!! so pls book tickets with me and come. the price is 20..i know its steep but im sorry i couldnt get it any lower and its for charity!!

my current peeve..the birthday falls on our first paper..how brilliant. maybe ill ace econs then! yes think positive
oh i had a mega long convo with d. yesterday and after all my venting he said something that actually made a lot of sense which was to let it all go. and i sort of am trying. i dont have the energy to be angry and as lame as this may sound, i think indiffernce is just not an option after all these years. so i should move on.
yup wish me luck on that

told u im feeling very optimistic. though very stressed about timbre.
invest is next week.. i wont be a councillor no more..i guess im glad in many ways though i met loads of people i wouldnt have and learnt quite a bit.i shall save the emo-ness for final night though its over!! yes!!

ok ok thats it.

and being sad does not equal to angsty. and honestly i still think its perfectly justified for me to be sad.. oh whatever.

why is this entry so me me me me..hehe ok next entry will be about err global warming?!
right.

peace out. 6:34 PM

it sucks being an afterthought.

peace out. 4:17 PM

ok and though i want to slap myself for digressing from sats i just wanted to put this up..



its kar.wei's pic from her website: www.vintagephunk.com which i think is super mega cool and reading her blog reminded me of those horrid days we spent working in sec 4..though it did produced some of our nicer poems which i still very much like..

creativity in hardship who would have guessed

"i dare you to be..."

u fill in the blank.

peace out. 10:23 PM