© 2006 BLACK-SOLACE {R.}
unless stated otherwise.
credits : ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

V27 :kiss away the young thrills

designer
trent!
angela
xueting
karwei!
deb and bel
mish
hannah and co
clique
shihui
michelle

or so it would seem at least. i used to wonder where the time flies to, how days could escape without me even realizing, how easy it was to walk around soullessly without a single thought in my head. i dont wonder anymore. i just want to cry.
ill cover my eyes

so anyway sat was spent with the girl cousins, sunday at rita masi's wedding which in my opinion was beautiful her especially, monday citadel with the other cousins (where we got ripped off like crazy by min.ds cafe.. DONT GO just buy the game u want to play if u are actually considering.. we wanted to shoot ourselves after heh) tuesday at lin's place with mis.h, clif.ton, hl, sha.ne.. an odd combination i guess but very fun nonetheless.
write me a plesant song.

and now all the girls think im going out with a certain someone which obviously isnt true and they expect him to turn up on the 7th which i think is rather amusing and a tad sad all the same. heh.
this has got to die.

and if anyone out there is still proud, i didnt mam.bo last night. i stayed here even though everyone else went (annoyed su.p in the process sorry!) but i couldnt bring myself to go. not knowing that i may throw it up again. for i cant really seem to shake off the image of my blood the first time it happened. but im well now and i thank god for that. but i need to stay well and for that i probably need more will power than i have. or just more help. though i wont ever ask for it so.
the pillow in your pillowcase is easier to touch

and im going to europe in the summer which means i have to mug real hard now. i wish i knew where to start though.
do u forget the breeze?

perhaps, it all gets better from here. i have decided that its time for things to get better for me. about time may i add =)

peace out. 5:36 PM

hmm.... i guess i pretend well? but i always have... though these days it feels like im pretending so much less and its starting to become real.

it has taken a while but im glad for it.

a lighter side; i watched the ting tings! =) with lin and it was probably one of the nicest things ive heard in a while... and it made me smile and laugh and be happy. for 2 hours it felt like everything was perfect and maybe it was...

after which i made a semi new friend.. but its a tad weird now i guess... though maybe im just making it weird.. i dont know.. but ive always been the one to let things play out themselves so we'll see =) haha i will add this though, perhaps i shouldnt be playing given the circumstances but heck im 19/20 i only get to live once

peace out. 8:58 PM

they teach you in med school that the heart only has 4 chambers


but in the past few days i've learnt differently. the human heart has many more chambers.. chambers we probably have never seen but have only felt.

thank you for making me smile, for making me realise its ok, that its meant to suck this bad.. but really more importantly for just being there when i cried.. again for the umpteen time to u. thank you. for not judging me, for not making me feel sillier that i already feel and for saying things i know werent true but i really just wanted to hear. you'll always be my rock b and i probably never say this but im very happy for u too.

now onto happier things.. the tings tings yesterday were fab.. im very glad i forked out the money and went! although the wait sucked but they made up for it and i guess we had fun laughing at the idiosyncrasies of other people there too haha

and everything that happened after was =) inducing too.. heh

peace out. 11:45 PM

you said no remember, you bloody hell said no. then why all this now. why all this again. why are you so bent on ruining everything. AGAIN.

"im not going to go anywhere because
i think you're my best shot at...

i think with you, you make me better
you make me want to be better
you make me want to be good
and i think i can
with you i think i can

so im not going to anywhere and you can stop hiding
and if you want to be scared, that's ok
just be scared with me"

fyi, i watched it too.
and no im not scared, im tired of you, of the drama you come with

i dont love you anymore. deal with it for heaven's sake.

peace out. 9:48 PM

so emo so emo so emo.. why so emo!

i didnt but i thought you did so i did but now i know you actually dont which means that i have to dont as well..

so complicated.

m left yesterday. he thinks im too silly for my own good. i probably am.

and some very nosey random person told l about last night.. which led to quite the meltdown a while ago. AGAIN. its a never ending vicious cycle with l. one which leaves me rather emotionless and all the more empty on the inside.

and i need to mug now but i cant because i just want to hide under my table and cry. go away go away please for my sake. dont even say goodbye. just leave. and then ill be able to breathe again.

its agonizing to keep believing that you would change that it could be better when obviously it cant and it wont. i dont want to be your friend. i dont want to be anything to you because all i really want is to one day walk past you and not remember you.

i honestly wish i never met you now. the bad days suck so much for me to even remember the good days anymore.

and then tomorrow u'll call and apologize again like you always do. and ill say ok lets do the friends thing again but what i really mean is go away. all you ever do is break my heart over and over and over, so much so that all thats left is a sad patchwork of ugly memories i could have done without my whole life.

i could be so happy now if not for you. thank you for making me this way.

and i know you will read this.. dont call dont reply dont do anything.. just leave.

and no im not saying its your fault that you're wrong because you probably arent. i know you express everything better in incorrigible, except to me, shouts and stinging words and yup what you said was all sort of right if you toned it down A LOT...

but its finally time to walk away from this mess.

leave. thats all i ask from you. thats all ill ever ask again of you.

peace out. 11:44 PM

the past few entries seemed a little sad and i just felt a tad compelled to say that i actually have been very very happy these past few weeks..its just that you dont usually blog about good times thats all.. perhaps this year i might then! =)

peace out. 7:07 PM