Monday, October 31, 2005
i have a lot to say now so u had better get cozy if ure actually gonna survive my whole long tirade.
ok so last night i took a panadol at 12 only to remember that something in that damn tablet keeps me up all night so i wiggled in bed and wrestled with my pillows for about an hour before finally admitting to myself that it was really of no use. so off i trotted to watch tv. they were showing beyond borders and it was the israeli-palestinian conflict one. so it got me thinking...
whether i was really pro-jew or perhaps pro-arab and as i weighed which side had commited more atrocities than the other, it struck me that i really couldnt be pro either side. think about it, its so easy to be pro-arab beacuse as outsiders the way we see it, the jews could have gone somewhere else, why did they have to come to palestine? it seems like they had a choice and they were inflicting the same sort of injustice that they had faced for so long.. but what if you put yourself in the shoes of a jew. a jew who for his whole entire life has been told stories about zion. wherever they were, it was but a transition stage, something they were going to make the best of but zion was the final destination so naturally they had to return to palestine. they couldnt have gone anywhere else. we as outsiders, as singaporeans cannot honestly judge them for what do we understand of their sentiments. do we have such strong convictions, such staunch beliefs? it easy to look at the issue in terms of black and white but it really has never been black or white. its the shade of grey we all fear for no one really knows who's to blame. the minute emotions of people comes into the picture, the issue never stays as clear cut as it may seem.
so as i sat there wondering who i supported more, i realized that perhaps we were missing the whole point. why are we playing the blame game, why is there a need to see who was right? we should instead be focusing on what can be done. think about it so what if we are pro-arab? so what if we think that the creation of israel was not justified? the fact still remains that it did indeed come into being, so instead of harping on the past, we should be focusing on the future. likewise if we choose to support the jews and say that they were right in their defense tactics, does that mean that it should go on? the past as someone said cannot be erased but the future i feel is still a black page. so i think that peace is actually very much possible between the two sides. call me idealistic but i think that at a certain point, the war and bloodshed just gets too much and people will want to give it a rest. its not going to be easy that's certain but its a give for both sides. the israelis have to give up the occupied lands and the palestinians have to make sure that the attacks stop. its easier said than done of course but if this can be achieved then i pretty much believe that peace can be establised. yes the insecurities will remain but give it a few generations and it will simmer down. so peace i believe is a choice between both sides. if they want it bad enough they can have it. the question that remains now is just how badly do they want it.
ok i got that off my chest. now onto the assholes who had to have their playday THREE days before the biggest festival in india. god three days!! couldnt they have had their fun some other time. damn its getting to a point where you have no idea when u are safe anymore. constantly living in fear and wonder whether today will be the day these people have their fun again. once upon a time i would have told you that terrorism could be justified but today i think ill probably have to eat my words.. its no longer justified, how can it be condsidering the number of lives that have been lost..understandable perhaps, but even that is fast disappearing. especially after sat's attacks which really hit home. see aunt and her hubby were in delhi at that time and hence you can imagine the chaos in the house as we tried desperately to contact them. the look of hopelessness and the despair on the faces of those they were showing on CNN. i dont think ill ever forget it. i dont really want to dwell into it now cuz i dont think i could ever put the rollar-coaster of emotions running though me into words, so ill leave it as a memory, something i probably will never forget.
i used to think i knew what fear was; just happened to be wrong. dead wrong.ok and since this entry was supposed to be loooooooooooong i shall go into the doings of my life for the past couple of days. well first off, went to little india with mum on sat. thank god we met aunt there cuz us goons had no idea where we were going. mum kept going lets go there. looks nice. BUT mum, we're been there already! and everything here is the same anyway!! you could hear me whining from a mile away. and naturally we were drawing many many stares.. well lucky for us aunt popped by and took us around. yay and boy was it fun. really the pace is pretty cool, you just have to know here to look. think it did much good to my ever-dwindling Indian roots. oh did i forget to mention that i got henna done. yes after much much much coaxing and an exasperated mother. figure it looks pretty ok though its a tad too dark to my liking.
oh yes i got my second p******* yesterday..just in case someone reads this that really shouldnt be..now dont give me that shocked look ok. i have no idea what possessd me to do it too. guess it was like instinct or something. and me and khaw did deliberate for ages before taking the plunge. i was in shock yesterdae after doing it but now as it sinks in i think i kinda like it.first sign of rebellion aint it. well the only reason i did it was cuz bong and co ditched me to watch some terrible chinese movie. hello i came all the way from home just to spend the day with them and they choose to watch a chinese movie!! i could honestly have shot them all but thankfully deb, von, janell and christine were there to keep me company and yea take me to get it. lol. was supposed to do some tara b'dae thing but then deb decided that it would be too risky so instead we asked..ok fine fine deb and janell asked while i stood silently in the corner holding the cake..2 guys to give her the cake. they were so nice and sporting..if anyone had asked me to do it, i would have probably raised one eyebrow and start blabbering in punjabi or pretend to bhave gone temp deaf.. i guess maybe thats why no one asks me anyway..u think? then went pooling..heiyo my pooling skills have deteriorated so much that they are now even worse than my non-existent computer skills. oh the horror!!oh yes and i made a fool of myself by waving crazily at this girl who i thought was val..turns out she wasnt and she gave me this weird stare the rest of the day..haiz after which bong shiwei and i went to eat dinner and took loads of pics. i guess its that time of the year again when everyone is busy taking photos. a result of the fear of forgeting, the fear of letting it all slip away. but i wont forget, i promise.
so happy halloween guys. though i am still in denial about not going trick-or treating. nvm give me two years and i shall run havoc in london (i bet!)..i dont care im gonna go study there!!humph let me dream please. oh and yes happy dewali to the limited number of indian friends of mine that actually noe about the existence of this place.
toodles..
ive learned that sometimes when i'm angry, i have the right to be angry. but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
ive learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, it doesnt mean that they dont love you with all they have.i took that from gloria's enty. it stuck me the most. go read its really thought provoking. me likes!
peace out. 10:12 PM