Monday, May 22, 2006
its nearly 1 am i cant seem to fall asleep..probably cuz of the fever im having and the damn phlem that has decided to kick up again..its hurts like hell when i cough..oh well at least i have an excuse to blog now.
i dont know. yes so now everyone go away and leave me alone. humph. i think i need chuwen now to tell me what to do but she's so far away now..gosh i miss her like hell.where are you my pokhead of a conscience?
and i need advise. no actually i dont. what i need now is reassurance, something no one can give me at this point. perhaps its just a battle i have to face on my own. a fight i have to win on my own. perhaps.
well i really dont have much to say anymore..cryptic entries take too much energy and i cant say direct things anymore simply cuz my readership has expended to people i have no clue are who. darn. well anyway just wanted to leave you with this
"crazy? but we cant be crazy.
crazy is just a word and we're not words."
u and i..we're not words.shit im scared. coming back now after what - a 6 month break? is it even possible? i have no clue. i want to come back i think. somehow it feels right again and ive always trusted my instincts. this time my heart and head say the same thing. then what's wrong i think..simple i dont want to come back at anyone's expense. ill feel like shit if u leave.. i know u said it wasnt my fault but isn't it? i know you, like you know me and u cant lie to me. i dont want u to go because of me, i just wouldnt be able to take it. this sucks like hell and im so sorry. im sorry im coming back, im sorry if it hurts you. im so damn sorry and i hope you'll stay. the future is uncertain, ive learnt that and i want you to know that too. i dont regret leaving, it gave me a perspective that i dont think i would have otherwise got and it gave me some sort of passion i needed i think. basically im glad i was brave enough to do what i did but in a nostalgic kind of way, im also glad it's going to be over soon so i can return to where i think i belong. at the end of it all, who knows if it will be worth it? at least i know i tried. ive learnt to never lose faith and hope, no matter how shitty everything becomes
ive learnt to give my best and push my limits even if no one believes anymore
ive learnt that i can do things if i just try and reach
ive learnt to cry and let the pain heal itself
ive learnt to make my mistakes and pick up the pieces
and ive learnt that i am because i will
im glad i learnt all this in a mere 6 months. i think i grew up here. im glad i did.
Oliver Wendell Holmes once said: "Many people die with their music still in them. Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live…Before they know it…time runs out." My time isnt out. it has only just begun.
peace out. 12:41 AM