Saturday, March 03, 2007
been extremely angstly these past couple of days and to those who faced the brunt of it..im really very sorry! we.ehao, ru.oqi (u're more angstly that me la), de.e, ma.tt and many others im sure but cant really remember..well anyway im terribly sorry...
i guess its just stress and the fact that everything's piling up and at the rate im going im terrified at the prospects, not too mention i have to do sats again and softball's been going terribly. and when i say terribly i actually mean your definition of terrible times a hundred million. my eyeing is horrendous..swinging at ultra high balls and speed of bat is very slow..it always was but at least last time contact was there.. then the force of the pitcher would do the rest but cant even do that now :( sometimes i really wonder about last year.. no for once i dont regret it but its just u noe wondering if things would be different had i not decided to quit in sec4..it probably would but yea i guess we all have choices to make and that was mine. team? honestly all i want to do is bat well. and im leaving the rest up to god. if i dont then so be it.
he says im not trying hard enough not putting in enough effort.. maybe thats true i really dont know.. what i do know is this ive never felt this tired my whole life. the never ending fatigue, like all my energy has been sapped and it just seem impossible to lift myself up again..ahh i really didnt intend for this entry to be pseudo emo. was meant to be retarded but i guess not many retarded things have been happening so yup pseudo emo it is
well on a more random note.. fish and co's been approved so yay though it means more work but considering blah should be ok i think.. i hope and well i pray
yesterday it really sunk in that a's are coming soon and everything rides on it.. ill study but will it be enough? u hear about so many so many pple who worked really hard but didnt do as well as expected. i guess it all boils down to circumstance then. lets hope mine are fine.
and when tell me did 4as stop being good enough?
another random note: punjabi got a! hah yup my 3 week crash course worked and yes it helped the other 2 goons get a too
i really want things to go well but right now i dont seem to care anymore. its easier this way i guess, hurts less.
wan.gting asked me what i wanted to do with my life after jc and i gave him a blank stare.. what do i truely want? honestly honestly.. to go to lse and read economics and work in wall street as an analyst.. yup thats really it, at least it has been since sec 1.. but is it easy? heck its virtually impossible but yea i guess that would be his answer. its what i want yet somehow it fails to drive me, simply because i know ill be ok with anything. anything, darn i hate that word.
iss.ac said he wanted to be an actor, the pro broadway kind and i was so proud of him for saying that.. given the fact the boy's a mega genius and all.. but at least he has a passion! and even though chances are he probably wont go down that path cuz well we do live in singapore at least he has a dream.. i wish i did too.
whats mine? ill probably just roll with the dices, take whatever comes. medicine? perhaps research, engineering, business? all maybe. greatness befalls those who dare to dream but when all u see lying ahead of you is darkness, then where does that dream come in?
im drained. perhaps tomorrow will be a better day. just perhaps.
peace out. 9:14 PM