its April fools.. and i miss d.erek a lot now..his nonsense, retardedness everything that used to crack me up.. oh well everyone moves on. sometimes i wish we never had to grow up... u know that one instant when something great happens and u think "please god let me wake up tomorrow and relive today" and when god doesn't grant u that plea, u instead freeze the previous day in your memory and go back to it whenever things start unravelling around u...well im just kind of doing that now

everything's ending.. 12 years of school life..all rushing to a halt. i remember it like it was yesterday..my two plaits (EZ LINK!! now that is super embarrassing)..my 12 best friends (i dont think i understood what best friends were at that time).joining softball, sl terms(eeks)..more softball...even more softball..history lessons!..touch council softball again..milestones i guess, in a long journey that is being ever shorter. i see the destination, i just dont think i want to reach it anymore.

council's ending..and as glad as i am..a part of me is a tad sad too..yes there were trials and tribulations, yes there were people who rubbed me the wrong way (though they prob wouldnt have known either) and yes there were things that annoyed me (stupid bureaucracy stuff and really logical things that took ages) but no i dont regret the path i took..it moulds u, definitely, tests you and then makes you a lot stronger. it takes the life out of you but at the end puts in back, intact..perhaps with a little more creases but definitely still intact, and allows you to walk away saying there you go, i made it through the shit!
its going to be your turn soon 27ths and i wish you well.

and as much as i want softball to end so i can mug i want to hold on to it forever, simply because memories wont be enough, not this time at least. im emoing..i dont know why possibly because im hoping to come back here a lot less from now onwards so just wanted to leave it with something a little more meaningful and true to myself than a smiley face that reveals nothing.

im rather terrified of the world out there..its going to swallow me up, chew ruthlessly then spit me out with a "BAM!".. i noe it and then im going to have to pick up the pieces and lament about everything again..damn the vicious cycle

again i pause to add that i miss derek, who by the way was my imaginary friend when i was 4. =)

on a side note, as much as i want for us to work, i want my 5as more, which i know u want too. and looking at the state of things, i dont encourage anything else. and for what its worth, i sorry too.

now onto pics... whee.