your move
Monday, August 17, 2009
there are words unsaid that hang thick in the air. and all i want is to erase them all; to change what happened. to make it all go away.
but somehow i know better now for pretending wont change things. what is done is done. we move on from here. and who better to know this than me.
and yet the cloud above us seizes to disappear. it stares at us mocking our obvious attempts to cover the cracks. its gloatingly knowing look that senses my screams inside. i wish for nothing else but to make it go away; if only i knew how.
schools a mangled mess as far as im concerned and everyday has seen me escaping to the people outside. and as i crave more and more obliviation; i dont think i have ever known as many m2s as i know now. its a silly oxymoron i know.
i asked for wisdom; i have none now. the path that i always thought was right doesnt seem so anymore.
i asked for courage; and yet i couldnt be more terrified today. for the fear of losing all that i once held dear to me itches to rear its ugly head.
i asked for strength; but the ability to do whats right seems to have forsaken me.
but faith and hope ill always have and that i keep dear.
i dont know if you understood this all or any of it. but in the past year you've known me best. so im saying sorry. for letting it come this far, for being angry(not so much really) but more for simply not caring anymore. for pretending everythings ok which clearly they havent been. i dont want things to stay this way anymore; because i have so much to tell you so much i want you to know. and honestly i dont even know where to start.
but the beginning is always good.
i promise to blog about rag soon; how much it taught me. how i thought it ended on such a horrid personal note but found that perhaps i was meant to learn from it. how my ties with everyone have become so much stronger, even with those i shed tears over. how ive met some truly awesome people. and how after all the dust has settled it really was
an amazing and inspiring experience. oh and that we won too.
day one, day one, start over again
step one, step one, with not much making sense
just yet im faking it till im pseudo making it
from scratch, begin again
peace out. 11:36 PM