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V27 :kiss away the young thrills

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trent!
angela
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deb and bel
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clique
shihui
michelle

i dont understand really why relationships have to be so god damn complex. and no im not talking about myself (more about that later)

just got off the phone with an old old friend who i honestly wish i could help more than i have been able to; whose voice, laden with sadness, still mimics the noise of gay. i wish i could give better advice but really i dont know to say. i dont know the right words that will ease the pain dont know if the choices this friend is making are right or will only lead to more heartbreak. and sometimes i think no matter what i say it wont be enough because the heart wants what the hearts wants right. and while we can easily distinguish between whats right and wrong somehow we still struggle to make that choice. maybe its not that clear cut after all then. i really dont know.

for instance, how come its never as easy as they show u in tv.. "i like you" "great! i like you too!" and bam alls well and chirpy. but only the real lucky few get it this way... because i guess it takes two to clap and most of the time if we like someone, we can easily choose to ignore that feeling lying to ourselves about the fleetingness of the moment and true enough one day we awake and the fluttering butterflies have disappeared. you have learnt to deal with the individual in a perfectly platonic way (or simply learnt how to distance yourself). how come people choose to remain mum about their feelings. is friendship really more valuable than the possibility of true love? and really does rejection surely mean an end to a friendship? im simplifying it i know. there's always so much more at stake. again why couldnt it be simple, straight cut?

perhaps the simple reasoning behind it all is that we may still be young, naive and in the process of growing up, and as we learn new things about ourselves everyday, compatibility becomes such a hard find. maybe when the world has stopped spinning around us we'll find someone whose world too is right where they want it to be and perhaps that then would be most ideal because god knows compromise can be quite the bitch at times.

but really i dont know. i wish i had the answers; i really dont. especially for someone in a perfectly blissful world of singlehood right now, i find that i am truely learning to appreciate the little things that make me happy; the things that give me self worth. and yes while d. was right, i do have pangs of loneliness at times, but they come far and few between, for there are way too many awesome people in my life to let me mope.

sometimes love is unexpected and when u least expect it it screeches to a halt in front of u...and then i guess it becomes your choice do u act on it or do u let it pass? do u regret your choice or do u pat yourself for making one.. i dont know.

perhaps that really is the point then. to simply not know.

peace out. 12:05 AM